Friday, September 17, 2010


I wish my life was a Katy Perry music video. I mean, how could you possibly go wrong in a land filled with candy, or dancing on the beach half naked with one FINE man?

I haven't blogged in forever. I was sick of starting blog posts by saying that, so I decided to start off with Katy Perry. God, I want to be her. She's beautiful. Or Lady Gaga. Damn, that woman has got some serious talent, and she rocks the raw meat look;)

All-State auditions tommorow, scary scary. I wish I would've tried out last year so I could prepare myself for the anxiety and overwhelming nerves I will face tommorow. But I guess that's why they call it nerves, you can't really prepare for that feeling!

As trite (Oooo oo hello AP Lang word) as it sounds, I find myself mentally repeating the phrase "you don't know what you've got till it's gone". It's almost unfathomable to believe that my best friend is gone. Well not really gone, but she might as well be. Trust me a thirty minute road trip might as well be like flying to China in a state like Iowa. God, I miss her. Way too much. And I'm also extremely envious of her because she has left the "hell on earth" that I like to call High School. I think Good Charlotte says it best, my high school feels more to me like a jail cell, a penitentiary. I am so completely sick of the cliques, and the drama and the fact that I have three friends. I think it's the hardest thing in the world to trust people as it is, but its damn near impossible to trust people in high school. You never know when someone will stab you in the back. I'm so tired of the mundane routine every single day, and I seriously think this place is killing my spirit. It's killing my zest for life, and I want to break free so bad. Seriously, if I had to choose between cleaning toilets at Wendys or high school, I would pick the former hands down, no questions asked. I am sick of the immature people who realize that their disgusting and cruel actions really hurt people. Yes, I know I'm complaining, but something needs to change about high school. The so called "popular" beautiful girls that I constantly feel inferior around and the jocks have peaked now sure. But what are they going to be doing in 5 or ten years from now? Yep, absolutely nothing. I know that somewhere in the back of the mind. But sickeningly, I would give up everything, my intelligence and probably my dignity even, to spend one day in the life of someone on dance team, or a cheerleader. To see what it feels like to have all eyes on me, to be blonde and beautiful and skinny. That's the life I want. And I'm not sure if this is a phase but I would give everything for that life. I mean it, absolutely everything..

So cheers to another night sitting at home alone blogging, eating a whole tub of Ben & Jerrys, gaining another ten pounds, and feeling like I am an insignificant dot in this huge world..